I was three weeks from walking down the aisle when I discovered my fiancé had been anonymously trashing me online for over a year. Not just venting frustrations—we all have those—but meticulously documenting every perceived flaw, insecurity, fight, and intimate detail of our relationship on Reddit like I was some kind of case study in “what not to do in a marriage.” The wedding is off, our apartment is a war zone of boxes and broken trust, and somehow I’m still the villain in his version of the story. Reddit, AITA for calling it all off?
I’m 29F, and until two weeks ago, I thought I was building a life with “Alex” (32M). We’d been together for four years, engaged for 14 months. Alex was charming, ambitious, successful—a software engineer at a big tech firm who always had a plan. He made me laugh, supported my career switch into graphic design, and was excited about our future. We had inside jokes, weekend hikes, a vision board for our dream house. The proposal on a sunset beach hike felt perfect. Our wedding was planned for a vineyard in wine country—intimate, 75 guests, $28K budget split between us and our families.
I never had reason to doubt him. Sure, we had normal couple stuff—little arguments about chores, money stress from wedding planning, the occasional “we need date night” talk. Nothing major. He was affectionate, introduced me to his work friends as “the future Mrs. [Last Name],” posted cute couple pics on Instagram. Green flags everywhere.
The discovery happened innocently enough. Late night, wedding binders everywhere, stress-eating ice cream while finalizing the seating chart. Alex was in the shower. His laptop was open on the kitchen table—our shared family laptop we’d bought together. A Reddit tab was open in the browser, something about fantasy football. I closed it to pull up the venue’s seating tool.
That’s when I saw the other tabs. Pinned. Multiple Reddit subs: r/AmItheAsshole, r/relationships, r/weddingshaming, r/JUSTNOMIL (even though my mom is lovely), r/TrueOffMyChest. Curiosity got me. I clicked one.
The top post in r/relationships: “AITA for being embarrassed by my fiancee’s weight gain leading up to our wedding?” Posted six months ago. 2.3K upvotes. 1.8K comments.
My heart stopped. The details were unmistakable: our exact engagement story, my job change (with my old company named), the vineyard venue, our first date restaurant. “She’s gained ~30lbs since we got engaged. Wedding dress had to be let out twice. Complains about ‘wedding stress’ eating but orders takeout 5x/week. I’m worried about photos. Don’t want to be ‘that couple’ with the bridezilla who let herself go.”
Comments were brutal: “NTA, bodies change but 30lbs is excessive.” “YTA if you post ring pics then complain.” “Talk to her or it festers.” He’d replied to dozens: “She’s defensive when I mention gym,” “Tried portion control hints, she got mad,” “Sex life tanked too.”
I felt sick. But I kept reading. Post after post. A year of breadcrumbs leading to this nightmare.
r/AmItheAsshole: “AITA for telling my fiancee her family is trashy?” (8 months ago). Described my parents’ “gaudy” taste, my dad’s “loud laugh,” my sister’s “tacky” baby shower. “They’re excited about open bar, asking for plus-ones already.” Comments judged my family gold-digging. His replies: “She defends them blindly,” “I come from money, they don’t get it.”
r/weddingshaming: “Fiancee wants to invite 200 people when we agreed on 75” (4 months ago). Lied about our budget talks. “Venue max is 100, she’ll bankrupt us.” Comments shamed me as money-hungry. Replies: “She’s clueless about costs,” “Registry is embarrassing—air fryer, pots/pans.”
r/JUSTNOMIL: “My fiancee’s mom is obsessed with the wedding” (11 months ago). My mom suggested florist. He spun it into “controlling nightmare MIL.” Detailed private convos I’d had with her about doubts. Comments: “Set boundaries NOW.” His replies confirmed my fears were “drama.”
r/TrueOffMyChest: “I don’t find my fiancee sexually attractive anymore and don’t know how to break it” (2 months ago). Graphic. Our sex frequency, positions, my “insecurities in bed.” “She senses it, gets clingy. Wedding looming feels like trap.” Comments ranged empathetic to savage. Replies: “Postpone,” “Cheat discreetly,” “NTA for feelings.”
Dozens of comments across threads. He’d upvoted the harshest ones about me. Engaged with users who called me lazy, entitled, unattractive. Created throwaway to respond to critics: “Posted from her phone once, she snooped but didn’t find main account.”
I sat frozen for an hour. Laptop battery dying. Shower still running. Our relationship dissected, weaponized, for strangers’ entertainment. Every vulnerability I’d shared—fears about motherhood, body image post-job change stress, family dynamics—he’d mined for content.
Alex emerged towel-clad, saw my face. “What’s wrong?”
I turned the laptop. He went white. “Shit.”
“You’ve been posting about me? For a year?”
“Babe, it’s just venting. Reddit’s anonymous—”
“Venting? You called me fat, said you don’t want me anymore, trashed my family—”
“Hyperbole! Reddit likes drama. I upvote the crazy comments for fun.”
“Fun? You detailed our sex life. Lies about budgets. Made me sound crazy.”
“You ARE dramatic sometimes! Wedding stress—”
I stood. “Three weeks from wedding, you post you’re trapped? That’s not stress. That’s contempt.”
He backpedaled. “I love you. Posts are exaggerated for karma. Never cheated, never would.”
I grabbed my phone, pulled up threads on my phone (searching our specifics). Screenshot frenzy. “You used my real job history. Venue name. Easily identifiable.”
“Needed credibility,” he admitted. “No one believes generic stories.”
We screamed. He accused me of “snooping.” I threw his “venting is healthy” BS back. “Healthy? Airing dirty laundry publicly? Lies about me?”
Timeline emerged. Started 14 months ago—post-engagement doubts. Escalated with wedding planning. Peaks around fights. He’d post, get validation, come home nicer temporarily.
Worst: r/relationships crosspost to r/TrueOffMyChest: “Update: Told fiancee about gym suggestion, massive fight. Now crying about ‘fat-shaming.’ Wedding in 3 months—should I call it?” Posted nine days ago. Comments urged postponement. He’d replied: “She’s perfect otherwise. Just wish she’d try.”
That was our “gym date” talk. I’d gained weight from stress-eating during his 80-hour work weeks. He suggested workouts together. I agreed. Felt supportive. He’d posted it as me raging.
I packed overnight bag. “Wedding’s off. Need space.”
He panicked. “Don’t throw away four years!”
“You did. Repeatedly. Publicly.”
Friends/family looped in. His best man (saw posts): “Dude, brutal. But Reddit’s not real.” My maid of honor: “Dump him. Serial cheater vibes.” Parents split—mine horrified, his defensive: “Men vent online.”
Apartment became cold war. I slept couch. He begged: therapy, delete accounts, private apology post. I scrolled more: guest list fights, my “neediness,” even Emma Watson dress drama (“Wore tight dress to gala, fishing compliments”).
Pattern clear: any conflict, he posted twisted version. Got validation. Felt right. Minimized my feelings. Cycle repeated.
Friends dug: username patterns matched old gaming account. Found deleted posts. One from Year 2: “GF too clingy after bad week.” Pre-engagement red flag.
Lawyer consulted (pre-nup signed, good). Wedding vendor cancels: $8K lost. Dress donated. Venue refunded partially. Humiliating calls: “Change plans?” “Everything okay?”
Alex’s reaction: defensive. “One mistake snowballed.” “Reddit addiction.” Therapy first session: admitted “karma rush,” minimized harm: “Anonymous, no one knows.”
I saw truth: not venting. Character assassination. Outsourced resentment instead of communication. Preferred strangers’ validation over fixing us.
Rock bottom: his mom called. “He’s devastated. Posts were stupid boy talk.” I sent screenshots. Silence, then: “Oh honey.”
Friends split. His circle: “Forgive, everyone messes up.” Mine: “Psycho behavior.” Mutuals faded.
Two weeks in: I moved to friend’s spare room. Boxes packed. He begged meeting. Coffee shop, public.
“I’ll change,” he swore. “Delete everything. Couples counseling. Write public apology.”
Too late. Trust pulverized. “You broadcast our intimacies. Lied about me. Preferred upvotes over honesty.”
“Not lies! Exaggerations!”
“Exaggerations that made me villain. Our fights, twisted. My body, mocked. That’s contempt.”
He cried. First real emotion. “Scared of marriage. Doubts normal.”
“Then postpone. Talk to me. Not Reddit.”
Wedding day came/didn’t. Vineyard empty. Friends texted support. I cried in pajamas. Relief mixed grief.
Now: no contact mostly. He posts on personal Reddit (ironic): “Lost everything over online venting.” Comments mixed. Some validate, some savage.
Fallout: credit ding (shared bills). Therapy solo: betrayal trauma. Friends rallied—true ones surfaced. Career boost: design side hustle exploded post-story share (anonymous).
Family: parents support. His: blame me “unforgiving.”
Hindsight red flags: phone guarding, late-night typing, “just browsing.” Dismissive fights: “Reddit says…”
Question: was Reddit symptom or core? Sociopath entertaining? Insecure seeking validation? Both?
Canceled wedding bullet dodged. Marriage foundation: trust. He shattered publicly.
Reddit, AITA? Or should I forgive “online venting”?
UPDATE 1 (1 week): Therapy revelation: Alex messaged mod apologizing, account banned multiple subs. Claims “changed.” Sent draft Reddit apology post (pre-approved by therapist): full accountability. I skimmed—detailed wrongs, committed change.
Still no. Words cheap. Actions? Posted again (burner?): “Fiancee found posts, dumped me.” Cycle repeats.
Friends confirm: talked to guys pre-me. “Reddit warrior,” aired exes’ laundry. Pattern.
NTA confirmed.
UPDATE 2 (1 month): Moved out fully. New apartment. Design clients booming—ironic silver lining. Therapy: PTSD-like symptoms from betrayal. No contact holding.
Alex cornered at coffee shop (tracked?). “Miss you. Posts deleted forever.” Showed phone. Blocked again.
His friends DM: “Give chance. Human.” Mine: “Run.”
Wedding deposit refunds trickled. Used for move.
Learned: online anonymity weaponizes resentment. Healthy couples communicate, not crowdsource.
Final: NTA. Canceled right call.
